True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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