My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
