i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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