i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
