the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
