Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
