dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
