The best revenge is premature balding
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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