Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
