Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
