so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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