i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
