Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize