This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Need sex. Gaining weight.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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