Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
