He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
