I just cut my nipple shaving
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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