Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
