just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize