Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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