he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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