just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
