you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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