Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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