That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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