woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
