he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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