At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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