im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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