the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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