Sry I called you an 8
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
