Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
