Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
