I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
