3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
