i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
