I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
