You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
