I think I died a long time ago.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
