You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
