I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
sex in a hospital.. check
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
