apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
