I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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