im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
