I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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