I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
