Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's blow job season.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
