i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize