WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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