mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
