I puked a lego.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
