Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
