FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
