Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
