dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
