This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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