Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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