I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
