So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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