i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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