mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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