when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize