i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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