i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i drank out of a bidet.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
