I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
